You Can Name A Cockroach After Your Ex This Valentine’s Day

Ah the fond nicknames you call each other when deeply, confidently in love.

Drawing from the cuddliest of the woodland creatures, the most logical of us can end up referring to a hairy six foot bloke as ‘bunny’ or a stressed-out adult woman as ‘kitten’.

But when the axe falls on our precious bubble of love, these cutesy terms of endearment quickly turn sour. ‘Baby’ becomes ‘a*sehole’, and ‘angel’ becomes ‘time wasting d*ckhead’.

This Valentine’s Day, what better way to celebrate the colourful range of names you now have for your former beloved than by naming a cockroach after them?

Hemsley Conservation Centre in Kent have dreamed up a brilliant idea for those of us who are beginning to grumble on a daily basis as card shop flood with fake flowers and oversized Valentine’s Day cards.

For an extremely reasonable £1.50, you can name a cockroach after your most loathed former lover, or indeed a friend’s ex who you always knew to be a wrong ‘un.

The zoo have released the following cheeky statement:

For those that don’t quite require revenge, there’s another way to make you feel better about getting back at your ex this Valentine’s Day.

We are offering the chance to name a cockroach in honour of your worthless ex-‘someone’ on this special holiday of love.

We are highlighting these ‘bottom of the barrel’ creatures through our ‘name a cockroach programme’ (we think adopt is a little too strong, after all – you probably don’t want to adopt your ex) to raise money for our projects at the zoo.

Best of all, all funds will go towards supporting projects at the zoo, meaning your heartbreak and bitterness will be channelled towards good causes on this most auspicious day of love.

All those years of listening to their bland music will have been worth it after all!

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